A particular bout of frustration brought on a realization of the necessity of some introspection, some incisive thinking that might allow me to control my disciplines more proactively.

I’ve come to the conclusion that maturity when delayed has different implications. Of course, this is only my opinion that has been shaped by my experiences. In the beginning, one’s actions are reflections of one’s maturity, and over the course of a decade or so, there is a process of self-integration that leads to those experiences from which we learnt anything to think for us – a “hysteresis” – and that very self-integration I’ve visualized as an intersection between two lines.

The volume of experiences beneath the intersection becomes, thus, an indication of its “age”. When a person matures (emotionally, not physically) at the right time, at a younger age, at a later age:

exes

Maturation, I’ve realized, is not necessarily a desirable or sought-after outcome of aging – its implications are not quite necessary at any point of time; it’s a fact. Say, at a young age, if a child has been subjected to care that is indifferent and practised as a matter of duty more than anything else, the sense of logic within the child is exposed to a field of greater utility than are the other faculties, thereby bringing about a premature logical maturity which, in turn, clouds the other faculties. Of course, I’m only addressing this subject superficially, and even so find it complex and, consequently, intriguing.

Anyway, for a person whose maturity (of any pertinent faculty) has been delayed, the process of learning would have exceeded its confinement to the zone of proximal development (ref: pedagogic psychology, Vygotsky) and have influenced higher-level experiences, thereby corrupting the contents of the instructions. I realize how I could be terribly wrong, but as a result of having arrived at said observations through a gambit of personal experiences, only I can prove myself wrong.

In the event of being convinced that one’s feelings, emotions and/or misgivings cannot be evaluated perfectly by anyone other than oneself, a success or a failure on one front doesn’t present me with conclusive evidence of my success or failure: perhaps I did something wrong in succeeding so? Perhaps I did something unnecessarily right in the process of being successful? I believe it is because of such questions that I will be able to enjoy traveling, naught else.

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